Everything happens for a reason

“We are given so few minutes and dollars during our time. Doesn’t wasting some of them give all the more meaning to those we used wisely?”

I just came up with that. Well, I think. Unless Google can prove me otherwise.

I feel like Even Steven from the Seinfeld episode. Let me ‘splain. I’ve been working an extra job for the past few months. Only a night or two a week, but still a few added hours onto long days. The extra money was good. Helped avoid the pressure of bills, worrying about all of that. A little wiggle room. I told myself that if I kept it up long enough, I would be able to squirrel enough money away for a MacBook Pro with Retina. I convinced myself that having one would inspire me to (a) learn to code and (b) blog/write some more. The down side is the job provides the money, but takes away the time. I hate that damn balance. So, here’s where it gets interesting…
I received an unexpected bonus yesterday. And today, I found out that the next time I would be needed at my extra job was January. So, basically, I just got this great opportunity dumped in my lap. All the reward, none of the work. Very fortunate. So, why do I have a hard time just going out and “treating” myself for my good fortune? It’s odd. It’s like I feel guilty for doing anything for myself.
Sure, there are more “responsible” things that could be done with my money and time. Retirement. Kids’ college funds. Cleaning out the gutters (where I think a two-foot weed has been sighted). But, is it all like that? I would like to believe that I could buy the computer, learn to code, and blog/write. But I fear I would instead buy the computer, and end up wasting all this newfound time.
Either way, I don’t want to dismiss or overlook my good fortune and blessings. And I realize that neither money nor “stuff” is happiness. I consider myself blessed beyond belief. I suppose it’s more of a question of drive and willpower. And I just read that we have a limited amount of willpower. That sucks. And I thought my stubbornness was infinite.

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